the explanation

"I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up."

I have a decent job. I pay my bills. I have raised one child and am currently raising number 2. Both are good, smart, well-rounded individuals. I have a sarcastic, dry sense of humor with a little bit of cynicism. I have many friends...a few who would do quite possibly anything for me if I was in need. I am a bit overweight...what I like to refer to as "fluffy". I shower daily and take my responsibilities seriously.

So why am I still single?

Is it a mindset? Am I determined to remain so? I don't trust people who "love" too quickly. I don't trust myself to hold someones love. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and my family and I never hesitate to tell them so. I exchange "I love you"'s freely with my children and my parents. I do not EVER assume that there is a  tomorrow. But when it comes to being "in love" with a man.......I just don't know.

I've been there. More than once.  I've loved. I've been loved (I think). So why is it so difficult to allow myself to go there again? Sure, I know that I have held on to the fear of being hurt again, but knowing and accepting that should get me past it, shouldn't it?  Deep down, I believe my psyche is waiting the "right" guy and that I will just "know" that its him! Fantasy? Perhaps. Fear of the unknown? Absolutely!

Thus, my life reverberates in the words of Maggie Carpenter, "I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up."

And I kinda like it that way.....