I have heard talk over the years from people with teenage daughters how awful or hard the teen years can be. I still don't understand. My teenager wasn't that bad. I recognize it and have appreciated it. Even reveled in the fact that she let me be such a big part of her senior year in high school. It was a fun and busy blur although it only ended just over a week ago. But now I sit and wonder how, almost overnight, I have become invisible. I don't know where she's gone but I guess I should get used to it. Come August, she leaves for college and I will only get to see her at breaks and occasionally in between.
I don't think I'm coping well. Its only the second week of the summer and it feels as though she is gone already. She is rarely home and when she is, I just seem to annoy her. I know this is all part of the process...the growing up. Doesn't mean I have to like it! I was meant to be a mom. I have been hers since the day I found out I was pregnant. Over 19 years ago now. Trying to learn this new role is rough. Logically, I know I won't stop being her mom, but things, they are a-changing.
It's an exciting and somewhat scary step in her life. I'm excited for her as she begins this next journey. But, I am truly not prepared for the letting go. My child is an adult. An adult that is moving away from home. An adult who will begin making all her own decisions. I am not the first parent to walk this road but its my first stroll down this very lonely highway. There are times I wish I could talk to her dad about this. See if his anxiety mirrors mine. Delight in the adult she has become, together, and dread the departure together as well.
I have a newfound respect for my mom. At least I have a second child at home to take my mind off it a bit.
Hmmmm....even writing isn't as therapeutic as I had hoped. I see medication in my future!
Since Alyssa is only a freshman (oops...sophomore!) I still have a bit to go for the totally "leaving home" part to occur. But, I do lose her to Florida every summer, Thanksgiving and Christmas break.
ReplyDeleteEach time, right before she leaves, a tension occurs in our relationship. We both know she's going, and we both subconsciously know the tension is caused by the leaving. I give her space, but we always try to have a mom/daughter day right before she goes, which is always fun, tension-free and lighthearted. It really seems to help both of us prepare for the parting.
Skype has done wonders for us, along with texting and rare phone calls. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I jump at any chance to talk to her while she's gone. My heart gets a little lilt in it when I hear the Skype phone ring -- since she's the only one I talk to on it (or Scott calling from the next room). I rarely call her because I don't want to take away time for her to be with Pete. By her initiating the conversation, I know that she truly wants to talk to me, so I consider that time golden.
The daughters of my best friend graduated last year. One goes to school 45 minutes from here and is home almost every weekend, and sometimes during the week. The other goes to school in Milwaukee - four hours away. It has been interesting to watch my friend grow more and more close to the daughter who is farther away. Greta calls her mom or texts at least once a day, but we've witnessed her grow tremendously as an individual along with relying on mom and dad for guidance. She too pulled away from her parents last summer and they worried about what that meant.
I'm not sure if this helps. Knowing what you and Emily have been through together, it sounds more like the fear of the unknown is creeping in (for both of you). Maybe staying away is her subconscious way of helping her prepare for when the REAL time comes.
I know that when I talk to the seniors right before graduation they all talk about their families wanting to draw them closer, while they want to spend the last few moments they can with their friends. I think they realize that their families will be there forever, but that their friendships may be fleeting. They're trying to squeeze every drop of friendship they can out of their relationship before it might disappear. They would never admit this though.
From what I've seen of Emily, she has a great sense of family, and of respect. I have no doubt she'll spread her wings with the strength and grace of an eagle, but she'll have the heart and mind of a homing pigeon by returning again and often.
Remember...they always come back home.
ReplyDeleteHome is were the Heart is.....