The Stigma of being Average

I have always considered myself to be average....average looks....had average grades....not a trouble maker and not an over-achiever.....just average.

I was born in the middle of the year and was of average birth weight. (7 lbs, 6 oz) Slightly unusual that I was born on my parents first anniversary. They divorced when I was six months old. I was 2 when my mom started dating my stepdad. They married when I was 5.  He adopted me mid-way through my freshman year of high school. I liked the 'W' homeroom better than the 'M' one anyway. I literally had very average grades all through school. Nothing noteworthy. I didn't play sports or participate in any other activities. When I was somewhere between 10 and 13 I was told by the boys in my neighborhood that I was neither pretty nor ugly. It wasn't a particularly traumatic thing to be told but it stuck. Like glue! I carried that with me throughout much of my life. I knew in my early 20's that getting dates wasn't difficult but I never gave myself any credit for it. Just figured guys would date anyone. ;-)

I got married because I was dating one of my best friends and thats just what you did next. There is so much about that relationship that I see so much more clearly now than I ever could have then. It was a VERY small ceremony with just family and a year and a half later I was pregnant with our first child. My averageness took a sabatical at this point in my life. I began the pregnancy unable to gain weight (as if I'd ever had THAT problem before!).  Everyone around me gained weight trying to get me to eat extra calories (which I did) but I just barely gained. I LOVED being pregnant. I was happy, I looked and felt great, and I wasn't huge! At 7 months I developed HELLP syndrome and all the cards fell into place for my daughter and I to survive.

Early in the pregnancy my ex-husband and I considered moving to south Florida for his job. We would have been in a small, rural town and I probably would not have survived the pregnancy.  When I got sick, I thought I had the flu. I happened to work for my OB doctor so I had to call in sick to work, otherwise, I would not have called my OB to say I had the flu.  The doctor called me that afternoon to see how I was and advised I go to the hospital to make sure I wasn't dehydrated.  When I got there, we discovered it wasn't the flu. Had I not gone to the hospital that evening, I may not have survived the night. At best, I probably would have gone into a coma. When the doctor called, he asked if my husband was home. He was, because he had called in sick to take care of me. I asked the doctor some time later if he would have had me go to the hospital if my husband hadn't been home and his answer was, "Yes, I was coming to pick you up!"  When they couldn't stabilize me, they decided to induce labor. After 12 hours of nothing, a c-section it was! Luckily, I was carrying a girl (they are better fighters) AND she had no health problems other than being early. My guardian angel was with me and then with my daughter, Emily, throughout it all!

It took some time to get back to average after that, but I eventually made my way back there. Didn't try the pregnancy thing again for 8 years. That time, all went well. Gained a good bit of weight. Carried the baby full term. No complications. And now we had an average family...1 boy, 1 girl.

Two years later I was an average divorcee. And then something changed. Men started paying me compliments. They said I was beautiful. They said I was pretty. What? Me? Okay okay...they just want to get laid!  But no, that wasn't always the case. I think they (at least some) are sincere. Could it be? Am I better than average? Nooooo. Couldn't be. That 12 year old boy said so. But these men MUST know better, right?  I actually started to believe it. It helped that I could pick up a guy in a bar....and not just the weirdo that my weirdo-magnet attracted.  I am well aware that guys are easy but it was still an ego boost.

I still have my days of feeling 'average'. But more often than not, I feel pretty damn good. I was in a sports bar with my parents one afternoon, a couple years back, and a guy sat down at the bar a few stools down from me. I turned to my mom and said, "watch, I'm gettin this one."  And within an hour we were playing pool and probably would have gotten lucky but my dad wouldn't leave without me. Dang-it! 

This might be why I like being so involved with our class reunions and planning gatherings now. I don't want to be remembered as average or not remembered at all. I carried that stigma with me for a very long time. It was of my own doing and now it is my decision to NOT carry it. I like what I see in the mirror and I know there are others who like it too. I no longer compare myself to others. I stand on my own merits and although I envy certain qualities in others, I know that mine are what make me, ME!