I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to have my heart broken and feel like I will never be whole again. I thought he was the man of my dreams. I thought he treated me better than anyone ever had. WE talked about 'forever'. WE made promises and made plans.

And so soon it all just changes. I am no longer what/who he wants. And when it ends, although talk of remaining friends was paramount, it is so completely over and gone that there is a palpable void. I feel like so much of 'me' was invested in a relationship that was so short-lived. I have guarded those parts that hurt so badly right now for so long that I am more upset with myself for allowing myself to let the walls down than with him for invading and leaving.

Inside the mind, you KNOW others have been there and understand but nothing seems to appease or ease the pain.  I allowed myself to love someone in a way I didn't even know I could. It's crazy how quickly I fell, too. Uncharacteristic and unlikely but happened just the same. I can't even say with complete certainty "lesson learned". What could the lesson be? Don't love? Don't love the wrong person? Don't love too soon? I give up. I don't even want to know the answer.

Most days, I am completely bipolar throughout the day. I feel bad, then I feel sad, then I try to get angry, then I try to block it all and be happy. My brain may just explode soon. I know I am stronger than this and that I will be just fine and quickly. I have my wonderful children to focus on and have had a fantastic summer with them so far. They keep me centered and keep me sane.

And so, I will pray for strength...mostly strength to regain the confidence that I feel is so precarious right now.